Pride and Prejudice and Women in Ministry

One of my favorite books is Pride and Prejudice.  I first read it in high school, long before the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle film version came out, and I have re-read it many times, always enjoying Austen's wit and descriptive power. Her characters spring to life on the page and once encountered, are never forgotten.

Mr. Darcy's first proposal of marriage to Elizabeth Bennet is truly unforgettable.  He is obviously in a state of high emotion, and at first, he can hardly compose himself enough to tell her of his feelings.  He does so, however, and in terms that make it clear that he expects her to immediately accept his offer of marriage despite the insulting terms in which it is couched.  When she politely but coolly rejects him without enumerating her reasons, he finds her answer "incivil"  and is dumbfounded as he asks for an explanation.

Her response is succinct and penetratingly insightful. 

I might as well enquire," replied she, "why with so evident a desire of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil?

I was reminded of her response a short time ago.  October has been designated Pastor Appreciation Month by somebody, somewhere, but it's not universally observed, which is no big deal.  I'd much rather have daily respect and support and love from my parishioners anyway, but sexism and insensitivity often rear their ugly heads, sometimes unconsciously. 

Recently, I was approached by a family with a pastoral care need, and to my dismay, they expressed their desire for my assistance in terms alarmingly similar to Mr. Darcy's reluctant declaration of love to Miss Bennet.  The spokesperson indicated that most of her family had always liked me "even though I'm a 'woman minister,' while warning that a close family member doesn't like 'woman preachers,' and that she herself actually doesn't either, but that I'm okay.  Then she laughed as if the comments were funny or as if that made the offensive statements somehow less rude.

This was during a telephone conversation, and I immediately responded, not with Elizabeth Bennet's eloquence but certainly with her spirit.  I firmly told the person that her family member is free to think and feel whatever he likes but that rudeness to me would be cause for us to tangle and that I was sorry to think that she herself could not extend acceptance to other clergywomen. In my head I was yelling, "You chose to tell me that you like me and accept my ministry in spite of my gender, one of the most essential things about my very being!  How can you possibly think that is a compliment or that I even want to hear such a thing?"

I have been in ordained ministry for over 26 years, and I have been insulted in the streets of Fayetteville by perfect strangers, rejected in the sanctuary from participation in a funeral by family members who wanted a "real" minister, ignored in board meetings only to hear my ideas accepted when a man repeated what I first said, sexually harassed in the hallways of the church building by grinning men who found my anger amusing, and condescended to by the very people set aside to guide and support me in my ministry.  In 2007, I wrote about some of these painful experiences in my doctoral project entitled Fire in Our Bones:  Clergywomen Faithful to the Divine Call, but obviously these disturbing incidents are not solely confined the past.

I know people don't want to hear this.  I know people find it easier to think that I misunderstood or overreacted or that these incidents are few and far between.  I get it.  I am, by nature, a peacemaker.  I hate confrontation and try to give people the benefit of the doubt over and over and over again.  But sin is sin and must be called out.  I am a human being, a woman, created in God's image no less than a man.  Furthermore, I have received a call from God to, as John Wesley put it, "spend and be spent" in the saving of souls, and I have been set apart by my Church through the laying on of hands and the words, "Take thou authority to preach the gospel."  I stand in a tradition whose guiding light was quick to see the gifts and grace for ministry and service in the lives of the women he knew.  Wesley was a man of his time, but he was also the child of a remarkable woman who pushed the boundaries of accepted convention in her spiritual life, and at least partly because of that, he recognized that there were other women similarly gifted and called.

These words and actions I have mentioned are demeaning and unacceptable.  They are hurtful and unjust.  But they cannot shake me at my core because I know my value as a beloved daughter of the Most High God, and I know that the Spirit is upon me to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In that light, I urge you to think carefully before you speak words that you may think light-hearted or funny because in reality, you are undermining and hurting the person you mean to honor.  And for heaven's sake, banish all sexual innuendo and sexist put-downs from your life and heart. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8)

Shocking Revelations about John Wesley

As part of an ongoing commitment to share my sabbatical insights with folks, I recently had the opportunity to do a Wesley presentation for the senior adult group of a United Methodist church in North Carolina.  It was a lot of fun for a variety of reasons:  good food, good fellowship, catching up with a clergy friend/ colleague, and talking about -- what else? -- the Wesleys.

After eating deviled eggs, ham, and a zillion desserts, we opened with singing a couple of verses of "O, For A Thousand Tongues" and then I talked them through a short version of my Power Point. One of the first pictures I showed them was a variation of the statue of John Wesley seen above.  I asked if they knew who it was, and nobody said anything, so I told them and suggested that they guess "John Wesley" from then on if I asked them to identify someone.  Obediently, when I showed them the picture below, they called out "John Wesley!"  But of course, I had tricked them because this one is actually of Charles!



In a lightning quick tour of early Methodism, it's hard to figure out which high points to touch upon and which ones will have to wait for a later date, but I tried to go for a mixture of things they already knew and things they had probably never heard.  With that in mind, I showed them a picture of John Wesley's electrical device --

I reminded them that the 18th century was an age of scientific inquiry and discovery and that John Wesley, like Benjamin Franklin, was interested in the potential of electricity to benefit human life.  Wesley bought a few of these devices that use static electricity to deliver a mild shock as a part of his campaign to provide cheap, effective medical care to the poor.  He wrote an entire book entitled Primitive Physick that lists all kinds of cures and folk remedies for various ailments, including rubbing one's head with an onion to reverse baldness and tending to a toothache by electrifying it.  We may smile condescendingly at Wesley's naivete (as seen from our 21st century standpoint), but in doing so, we must not lose sight of his underlying goal -- sharing the love of God with people in all aspects of their lives, including their physical as well as spiritual well-being in his sphere of concern.

Wesley knew that God is the God of all creation, a God who desires wholeness for all of creation, and in everything that he did, Wesley sought to carry that message to those who needed to hear it most.  In some small way, by telling bits and pieces of the stories of early Methodism, I am trying to do the same thing, to share a message of grace and redemption and hope and yes, even perfection in love, with everyone I encounter.

But I probably won't offer to shock you or cure your baldness ...

Flat Wesley

I have a confession to make: I don't particularly enjoy doing children's sermons.  Part of it is because of the unpredictability of little people -- what are they going to say or do? -- and part of it is because I hate the assumption that you must be good with kids if you're a woman.  I think it is extremely important for children to be actively engaged in the service of divine worship, but there are other, perhaps more effective ways of incorporating them into the practice of Christian worship.  But this is less a blog post about children's ministry and more a post about making assumptions about what other people hear when you share information with them.

Jokes about married people not listening to each other abound, and sometimes I think Scott is screening out much of what I tell him, especially when I read him choice bits of John Wesley's letters or journal entries.  But I have come to realize that he is often paying very close attention indeed.  Some time ago, I shared with him some of Wesley's pointed advice to his preachers about their duties as itinerants, including the following instructions:

Where there are ten children in a Society, we must meet them at least an hour every week; talk with them whenever we see any of them at home; pray in earnest for them; diligently instruct and vehemently exhort all parents at their own houses. Some will say, “I have no gift for this.” Gift or no gift, you are to do this, or else you are not called to be a Methodist Preacher. Do it as you can, till you can do it as you would. Pray earnestly for the gift, and use every help God hath put into your way, in order to attain it....

Months passed, and I forgot about reading this to him until it was time for me to preach again, which also meant it was my turn to do the time with children.  I was grumbling that I don't do it well and that it's much harder than the regular sermon when Scott looked at me quizzically and said, "What was it you told me Wesley said about Methodist preachers and children?" I was dumbfounded.  "You mean you actually remember that?" He smirked and said, " I wish I had a Flat Wesley to hold up every time you say something that he gave the early Methodists instructions about!"  Foolishly, the church secretary and I made Scott his very own Flat Wesley, as seen above, and true to his word, he flashes me with Mr Wesley any chance he gets, especially if I whine about planning the children's sermon.  Needless to say, John Wesley would likely not be amused by this cartoonish image of himself!

Part of what made Methodism take off in the 18th century was its accountability structure.  Methodists were expected to attend the parish (Anglican) church, receive the sacrament of Holy Communion frequently, participate in private acts of worship and acts of mercy, and to be in small groups called classes.  In those classes, they met to mutually confess their sins and to mutually encourage each other, "to watch over one other in love." This was a powerful means of spiritual growth and raised the art of listening to Christian friends' advice and admonitions to a nearly sacramental level. 

Unfortunately, we've wandered a long way from those days when participation in a class was mandatory for membership, but its spirit lives on as some Methodists have rediscovered the value of the class meeting and have incorporated it into their Christian journey.  And I would argue that its spirit survives when wives and husbands remind each other, even humorously, of where their duty lies, even if by means of ... Flat Wesley.

How YOU can Help Victims of Hurricane Florence

By now, Hurricane Florence as an organized storm system is history, but the devastation and tragedy left in its wake will be with us for years and years to come.  North Carolina has been ravaged by rising rivers that destroyed homes and businesses, ruined highways and roads, and most disastrously, stole the lives of precious human beings who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Likewise, South Carolina will be picking up the pieces for a very long time as the flood waters there subside and reveal the extent of the damage.  Tragically, at the very same time we were experiencing Florence, monstrous typhoons in the Pacific were ravaging the Philippines and the Asian continent, wreaking havoc and killing dozens in mudslides and floods.

In many ways, even though we were in the path of the hurricane, it's not my story to tell.  My husband and I were personally unaffected -- we never even lost power, let alone had any kind of horrific damage.  I shared with a friend that I almost felt guilty for how lightly we got off, but he pointed out that those of us who didn't suffer great losses are in a position to reach out in loving ways to those who did.  I am reminded of Luke 12: 48 -- From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded.  What a privilege we have to be able to share generously with our sisters and brothers who have lost so much!

There are many charities that swung into action even before the storm made landfall, and there are innumerable ways that we can help.  I would like to lift up one organization in particular, UMCOR -- United Methodist Committee on Relief.  UMCOR is one of the first to respond in a crisis and one of the last to leave.  They don't get the press that some others do, but people need to know that 100% of the money given to a designated project goes to that particular project, not to overhead or salaries or anything else.  UMCOR has already responded to this disaster with a $10,000 emergency grant, and in the days and weeks that lie ahead, we will receive significant additional funding, health/hygiene kits, and flood buckets containing cleaning supplies, and we will also welcome volunteer work teams who assist with everything from cleaning debris to rebuilding homes and churches.

For more information on how to donate your time, resources, or money, go to this link --
https://www.umcor.org/umcor/resources/news-stories/2018/august/umcor-responds-to-current-disasters-around-the-world.  Checks and other donations may be designated to Disaster Response, United States (#901670), to Disaster Response, International, or to Disaster Response, undesignated.  Additionally, the NC Annual Conference offers this option for giving -- UMCOR. S00176 - NC Storm Emergency Response. For South Carolina aid, you may go to http://www.umcsc.org/data/disasterresponsedonation.php.

Following in the steps of the Wesleys and other early Methodists who sought to provide health care, education, and monetary help to those in need, as well as spiritual nurture to everyone, UMCOR is one of the great strengths of our "connexion."  We are the hands and feet of Jesus in the world today, and UMCOR lies at the very heart of the United Methodist response.  How will you choose to play your part?

"Hide me, O my Savior, hide, till the storm of life is past"

picture taken by Scott Marchant in Ireland, September 2016

I am writing this as the Carolinas brace for the arrival of Hurricane Florence.  Having lived in eastern North Carolina my whole life, I have been through a number of these storms, and having experienced the fury of wind and water, I am naturally very concerned about the safety of everyone in its path, including my own family.  The TV and internet are filled with up-to-the-minute bulletins about the wind speed, the expected storm surge, and projections for how much flooding might occur.  Everyone is sharing tips for protecting one's house and property, not to mention how to minimize the danger to life and limb.  

Preparation is, of course, very important, but we should not forget the most important preparation of all -- praying for God's peace and comfort in the midst of the storm and for the safety of all who watch and wait for its arrival.  And so, I offer this beautiful hymn from Charles Wesley as a prayer and a word of confident hope in the One who is indeed the Lover of our souls.

Jesus, lover of my soul,

Let me to Thy bosom fly,

While the nearer waters roll,

While the tempest still is high:

Hide me, O my Savior, hide,

Till the storm of life is past;

Safe into the haven guide;

O receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none,

Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;

Leave, oh, leave me not alone,

Still support and comfort me.

All my trust on Thee is stayed,

All my help from Thee I bring;

Cover my defenseless head

With the Shadow of thy wing.

 Thou, O Christ art I all want,

More than all in Thee I find;

Raise the fallen, cheer the faint,

Heal the sick and lead the blind.

Just and holy is Thy name,

I am all unrighteousness;

Vile and full of sin I am,

Thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found,

Grace to cover all my sin;

Let the healing streams abound;

Make and keep me pure within.

Thou of life the fountain art,

Freely let me take of Thee;

Spring Thou up within my heart,

Rise to all eternity.

 

"If you cannot relieve, do not grieve..."

While at Oxford, Wesley and the other members of the "Holy Club" 

sought to relieve the poor, as reflected in this illustration

As a blogger who also has a Facebook page to promote her writing, I follow various blogs and Facebook pages on related topics.  This morning, one of those pages, Clergy Coaching Network, posted 10 Rules for Addressing Panhandlers.  The article was helpful without being overly prescriptive about what one should do when approached by someone asking for money, offering suggestions for working for long-term, creative solutions to provide housing for all in addition to common-sense approaches to those face-to-face encounters.

The author is Dr. Pete Gathje of Memphis Theological Seminary, and while I don't know his denominational affiliation, it didn't surprise me to see that some of his formal education occurred within the walls of a United Methodist seminary.  Dr. Gathje's espousal of a kind and respectful attitude towards someone making such a request echoes the compassionate way John Wesley responded to the poor of his day and the instructions he gave to the stewards of the Methodist societies as they transacted the temporal affairs of each society.  Rule number 11 specifically refers to the matter of dealing with the poor:

If you cannot relieve, do not grieve, the poor. Give them soft words, if nothing else; abstain from either sour looks or harsh words. Let them be glad to come, even though they should go empty away. Put yourself in the place of every poor man, and deal with him as you would God should deal with you.

I was struck by the utter practicality of his advice.  It's similar to my mother's admonition to keep my mouth shut if I couldn't say something nice.  Wesley is saying in part that if you can't make the situation better, at the very least, don't make it worse.  "Give them soft words, if nothing else; abstain from either sour looks or harsh words."  Wesley knew how easy it is for those who have more of the world's goods to ignore or speak unkindly and to look with disdain upon those who are not so well-endowed, and he urges his stewards in 1747 and by extension, us in 2018, to do what Jesus commands us to do:  to treat everyone as we would like to be treated.

These are wise words for interactions with anyone, not just the poor.  In these contentious times when political discourse is anything but civil and social media inflames these divisions, it would behoove us all to put ourselves in the place of every person with whom we interact.  We all hope that God is a God of mercy whose love for us is everlasting, and we hope that God will deal with us as a gracious and loving mother or father, so why is it so hard for us to treat others as we desire God to treat us? 

John Calvin (left) and John Wesley (right) 

at the John Rylands Library, Manchester

I'm not saying that differences don't matter, and I'm certainly not saying that one should not speak out against injustice or act to draw attention to the plight of the needy and the broken.  There are times when standing up is going to create controversy and draw the ire of others.  What I am saying is nothing more and nothing less than what Christ himself said:  The greatest commandment is to love God above all things, and the second is a very close second, to love your neighbor as yourself.

Looking to the example of our forefathers and foremothers in the faith, we can see that there have been many who have sought to do just that, even when it wasn't fashionable, convenient, or easy.  Can we follow in their footsteps, taking Wesley's practical counsel to heart and putting it into action? In "On a Catholic Spirit," he writes:

Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike? May we not be of one heart, though we are not of one opinion? Without all doubt, we may. Herein all the children of God may unite, notwithstanding these smaller differences. These remaining as they are, they may forward one another in love and in good works.

Again, this does not mean that anything goes and that we should all simply go our own merry ways.  What it does mean is that Christ commands us to do the harder work of loving each other, not sentimentally or emotionally, but seeking the best for each other, regarding each other as beloved of God and created in the divine image.  How might we do that here and now in this toxic climate of political and religious conflict and disagreement?  What will you do to see and treat your opponent/enemy as your neighbor?  I'd love to hear your answers!

What's Up with the Wesley Stuff?

picture of John Wesley's sitting room, New Room, Bristol

taken by Donna Fowler-Marchant, June 2017

The Apostles' Creed, used by millions of Christians for hundreds of years, contains the expression "communion of saints," and devout Methodists dutifully roll those words off their tongues whenever it is the chosen confession on a given Sunday.  Ever wonder what it means?  Well, Methodists, like most Protestants, tend to use the word "saints" in a somewhat slippery fashion.  Sometimes it specifically refers to women and men who were canonized by the Catholic Church before the Reformation, sometimes it simply refers to people who have been recognized as being exceptionally good examples of faith, and sometimes it is used to denote any and all Christians.  Drawing on the beautiful words from Hebrews about the great cloud of witnesses, the idea of saints dead and alive still being held by God in each other's presence has brought comfort to many a weary and burdened soul.

Given the latter two possible understandings of "saints," it's not hard to see why one might term John Wesley a saint.  By any standard, the man was a follower of Christ, and it is safe to say that he lived an exemplary life of service, prayer, worship, and mission.  He was dedicated to pursuing a life of holiness powered by the Holy Spirit, and though his methods (pun intended) might seem odd or extreme to modern sensibilities, his commitment to sharing God's love and the gospel of Jesus Christ was undeniable.

Given that Methodists don't have quite the same level of awe for those we term "saints" as do our Catholic sisters and brothers, and given that we don't believe relics of long-dead saints to be objects of exceptional piety and power, it is curious that there are so many artifacts of Wesley and representations of him in existence.  There was an explosion of the creation of Staffordshire and Wedgewood as well as other pottery figurines of John Wesley after his death. The oddest examples of his likeness in the 19th century were fashioned from the vertebrae of horses or other large animals  and were available at cheap prices so that any devout Wesleyan Methodist could purchase an image to commemorate their beloved "Father" in the home and express their affiliation with the movement bearing his name.

The World Methodist Museum at Lake Junaluska, the New Room in Bristol, Wesley's Chapel in London, the John Rylands in Manchester, and the Old Rectory in Epworth are among the many places special to Methodists with significant numbers of these and other artifacts.  Since we are not Catholic, you will never hear them referred to as "relics" but as artifacts and more broadly as items of "Wesleyana."  The picture above is of my own Wedgewood Wesley plate, one of the prettiest examples of such Wesleyana, but there are dozens of other types of memorabilia, including candlesticks, scissors, glasses, preaching bands, and pieces of furniture that have been lovingly assembled and displayed.  Below is a photograph of a small selection from the New Room in Bristol, taken by Scott Marchant in June 2017 --

There are authenticated locks of Wesley's hair and even a copy of his death mask at the World Methodist Museum (these two pictures taken from https://methodistmuseum.com/artifacts/) --

Now, you may think this is weird or even morbid, or you may think it is fascinating beyond words, but either way, have you ever wondered why it is that Methodists feel the need to preserve and display these tangible evidences of the life and faith of John Wesley?  We even have Wesley bobbleheads available through Cokesbury, for Pete's sake!  What is that all about?  I mean, how many Lutherans or Presbyterians do you know who have figurines of major figures of their traditions?  Did anyone even make representations of Calvin or Knox or Luther, for that matter?

These bits of Wesleyana are special for a number of reasons, I suspect.  Not that we think they hold the power to heal or mystically change someone's life, but they are special, nonetheless. Just as some people collect baseball cards or put posters of their favorite musicians on the wall, some of us Methodists like having a little piece of history that we can turn to as a reminder not just of John Wesley or other early Methodists but as a symbol of the whole great cloud of witnesses.  These bits of hair or pottery or riding crops are visible reminders that these were real people with real lives whose belongings still witness to the Word of God in Jesus Christ as we behold them in our real lives here and now.

I would argue that Wesleyana serves an even greater purpose than that.  It reminds us that we worship a living God whose Word actually took on human flesh in the Incarnation, and though we have nothing that Jesus wore or made or touched, he, too, was a real person with a real life who still has a word of love and salvation for you and me in our very real lives today.  And if looking at a curl of hair or a pair of spectacles or some other "Wesley stuff" points us towards that, then Wesleyana and John Wesley himself will have served their purpose as vehicles of the good news of God's grace.