Run My Course With Even Joy

I have a CD of Charles Wesley's hymns that I listen to almost every day in my office.  It features 21 different hymns sung beautifully by The Choral Arts Society of Washington Chamber Singers.  Some are familiar to almost any regular churchgoer ("O, For A Thousand Tongues to Sing"; "Love, Divine, All Loves Excelling"; "Christ the Lord is Risen Today") while others are perhaps less well known ("O Love Divine, What Hast Thou Done"; ""Christ, Whose Glory Fills the Skies.")  Depending on what else is happening around me, a phrase or line may stick in my mind and become an accompaniment to my daily work, and I have learned to pay attention to that and spend some time meditating on it.

Recently, I have found my thoughts circling around repeatedly to the same line in Charles Wesley's hymn of commitment to Christian service and discipleship, "Forth in Thy Name."   According to one of United Methodism's great Charles Wesley scholars, the Rev. S T Kimbrough Jr.,“Charles Wesley was deeply concerned that the attitudes with which we approach the endeavors of each day reflect our Christian posture and character.” (https://www.umcdiscipleship.org/resources/history-of-hymns-forth-in-thy-name-o-lord)

Forth in thy name, O Lord, I go, 
my daily labor to pursue; 
thee, only thee, resolved to know 
in all I think or speak or do. 

The task thy wisdom hath assigned, 
O let me cheerfully fulfill; 
in all my works thy presence find, 
and prove thy good and perfect will. 

Thee may I set at my right hand, 
whose eyes mine in-most substance see, 
and labor on at thy command, 
and offer all my works to thee. 

For thee delightfully employ 
what e'er thy bounteous grace hath given; 
and run my course with even joy, 
and closely walk with thee to heaven. 

The line that keeps reverberating in my mind is the penultimate line of the last verse -- "and run my course with even joy" -- possibly because there are at least two possible ways to interpret it.  One is to understand it as stating that it is possible to "run one's course" of daily work with joy because of God's grace so bountifully given.  A second interpretation is to say that one can approach one's "course" with even joy rather than with jagged emotions that range from ecstasy to despair and back again.  The two aren't mutually exclusive, of course, which is part of the beauty and complexity of delving into a Wesley hymn.

I am reminded of the prayer of confession from Word and Table in the United Methodist Hymnal, particularly the line that pleads: "Free us for joyful obedience, through Jesus Christ our Lord."  Joyful, not grim-faced and dutiful, but joyful obedience!  The joy and happiness found in living into the will of Christ is a frequent theme of the Wesleys'.  In his sermon "The Way to the Kingdom," John Wesley preached, "Holiness and happiness, joined in one, are sometimes styled, in the inspired writings, 'the kingdom of God,'" and in another sermon entitled ("Satan's Devices") he exhorts the hearer: "Thus, being filled with all peace and joy in believing, press on, in the peace and joy of faith to the renewal of thy whole soul in the image of him that created thee!"

This emphasis on joy as integral to the Christian life is antithetical to the caricature that many have of the sour-faced Christian who never has fun and doesn't want anyone else to have any, either, and that is, well, sad.  Joy should be one of the first characteristics of any Christ-follower, a joy rooted in the assurance of God's love and grace, for all of us.  It is, after all, one of the first fruits of the Spirit to be mentioned in Galatians!

So I wonder.  How might you and I run our "course with even joy" in such a way that our lives attract rather than repel others from the Jesus-life?  As we pursue our daily work and recreation, how are we illustrating that "bounteous grace?"  I invite you to think of this, perhaps as you sing or pray this lovely hymn, and may joy fill your heart and your relationships as you seek to walk as Christ walked!

Frail Children of Dust

Pottery from Seagrove, NC

One thing I love about North Carolina is the tiny town of Seagrove, home to more than 100 potters, some of whom still use native clay to create their hand-thrown pots, mugs, vases, and  other works of art.  The piece above was given to me last week by a thoughtful parishioner, a gift that conveyed grace at a time when I most needed it.  It is a lovely and fragile piece of art formed from the dust and clay of the earth in much the same way that God the Divine Potter shaped each of us from the ground.

In my last post, I talked about some things that made last week so difficult on an emotional/spiritual level, but I didn't mention the toll that stress takes on me physically.  Like many other people, I suffer from constant pain, mostly in my back, although it does strike elsewhere at times.  Chronic pain is an unwelcome reminder that I am, as a hymn not written by Charles Wesley says, one of the "frail children of dust and feeble as frail."

John Wesley lived to be almost 88 years of age, and he suffered throughout his life from various common ailments, and as mentioned earlier, he was concerned with people's physical as well as spiritual health.  Not surprisingly, he believed that pain and suffering are part of the fallen order of the world, not part of God's good, original plan for creation.  In his sermon called "On the Fall of Man," he muses about the effects of aging upon the body, pointing out that even from our birth, we are traveling towards death, reminding us that we are dust and to dust we shall return.

Wrinkles show the proportion of the fluids to be lessened, as does also the dryness of the skin, through a diminution of the blood and juices, which before moistened and kept it smooth and soft. The extremities of the body grow cold, not only as they are remote from the centre of motion, but as the smaller vessels are filled up, and can no longer admit the circulating fluid...; in consequence of which, death naturally ensues. Thus are the seeds of death sown in our very nature! Thus from the very hour when we first appear on the stage of life, we are travelling toward death: We are preparing, whether we will or no, to return to the dust from whence we came!

In the 21st century, we hold youth up as an ideal and celebrate the vigor of the healthy, decrying the appearance of wrinkles and the inevitable slowing down of our bodies that comes with age.  When confronted by pain, especially chronic pain, we often handle it poorly because we want to alleviate it and are frustrated when this isn't possible.  This makes us uncomfortable when talking to someone who isn't going to "get well" and sometimes doesn't seem to even get much better at all.  There are times, like right now, that I can barely stand to be touched because my nerve endings are on high alert, and the slightest movement sends another urgent and unwelcome message to my muscles, which immediately tighten and even begin to go into spasms. Maybe I should get a copy of Wesley's electrical device for use on my back and arm, after all!

I tell you this, not because I'm looking for sympathy but to promote conversation and understanding about how to be present with another person in her/his pain without feeling that you have to try to fix it but also without ignoring or glossing over it.  Saying that you are sorry and offering to help conveys concern, and there is a time and place for gentle humor, but please don't ever tell anyone that they are too young to be sick or in pain.  That minimizes the very real agony that can flare up without warning in a body prone to certain conditions and belittles the all-too-real experience that cares nothing for your age or circumstance.

On behalf of myself and others with chronic pain, we need you to understand that there are times when the pain is so all-consuming that it literally hurts to breathe, let alone hug or shake hands, and please don't ever punch me or anyone else in the shoulder or on the back.  I don't try to make a big deal out of my condition, but I need you to respect that I have good reason for putting up an invisible fence between me and you, and I need you to help by honoring that and not taking it as a personal affront if I'm not doling out hugs.  

Will I die from the various pains and problems I am enduring?  Unlikely, but neither am I going to escape them.  Given that reality, can I somehow use the experience of discomfort and persistent aches to draw me closer to God and to others?  Certainly.  Suffering is part of the human experience in the time that lies between life lived in the Garden of Eden and the life yet to come, and I believe that the empathy gained from my own is a gift to be poured out as I serve other people who are dealing with their own sickness and ill health.  I do not believe that God is in the business of handing out cancer or diabetes or fibromyalgia or migraines or any other debilitating condition, but I do know that God can work in and through all the circumstances of life.  And as John Wesley said at least twice as he lay dying, "The best of all is, God is with us," even, maybe especially, when we are at our weakest and most vulnerable.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12: 9)

Pride and Prejudice and Women in Ministry

One of my favorite books is Pride and Prejudice.  I first read it in high school, long before the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle film version came out, and I have re-read it many times, always enjoying Austen's wit and descriptive power. Her characters spring to life on the page and once encountered, are never forgotten.

Mr. Darcy's first proposal of marriage to Elizabeth Bennet is truly unforgettable.  He is obviously in a state of high emotion, and at first, he can hardly compose himself enough to tell her of his feelings.  He does so, however, and in terms that make it clear that he expects her to immediately accept his offer of marriage despite the insulting terms in which it is couched.  When she politely but coolly rejects him without enumerating her reasons, he finds her answer "incivil"  and is dumbfounded as he asks for an explanation.

Her response is succinct and penetratingly insightful. 

I might as well enquire," replied she, "why with so evident a desire of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil?

I was reminded of her response a short time ago.  October has been designated Pastor Appreciation Month by somebody, somewhere, but it's not universally observed, which is no big deal.  I'd much rather have daily respect and support and love from my parishioners anyway, but sexism and insensitivity often rear their ugly heads, sometimes unconsciously. 

Recently, I was approached by a family with a pastoral care need, and to my dismay, they expressed their desire for my assistance in terms alarmingly similar to Mr. Darcy's reluctant declaration of love to Miss Bennet.  The spokesperson indicated that most of her family had always liked me "even though I'm a 'woman minister,' while warning that a close family member doesn't like 'woman preachers,' and that she herself actually doesn't either, but that I'm okay.  Then she laughed as if the comments were funny or as if that made the offensive statements somehow less rude.

This was during a telephone conversation, and I immediately responded, not with Elizabeth Bennet's eloquence but certainly with her spirit.  I firmly told the person that her family member is free to think and feel whatever he likes but that rudeness to me would be cause for us to tangle and that I was sorry to think that she herself could not extend acceptance to other clergywomen. In my head I was yelling, "You chose to tell me that you like me and accept my ministry in spite of my gender, one of the most essential things about my very being!  How can you possibly think that is a compliment or that I even want to hear such a thing?"

I have been in ordained ministry for over 26 years, and I have been insulted in the streets of Fayetteville by perfect strangers, rejected in the sanctuary from participation in a funeral by family members who wanted a "real" minister, ignored in board meetings only to hear my ideas accepted when a man repeated what I first said, sexually harassed in the hallways of the church building by grinning men who found my anger amusing, and condescended to by the very people set aside to guide and support me in my ministry.  In 2007, I wrote about some of these painful experiences in my doctoral project entitled Fire in Our Bones:  Clergywomen Faithful to the Divine Call, but obviously these disturbing incidents are not solely confined the past.

I know people don't want to hear this.  I know people find it easier to think that I misunderstood or overreacted or that these incidents are few and far between.  I get it.  I am, by nature, a peacemaker.  I hate confrontation and try to give people the benefit of the doubt over and over and over again.  But sin is sin and must be called out.  I am a human being, a woman, created in God's image no less than a man.  Furthermore, I have received a call from God to, as John Wesley put it, "spend and be spent" in the saving of souls, and I have been set apart by my Church through the laying on of hands and the words, "Take thou authority to preach the gospel."  I stand in a tradition whose guiding light was quick to see the gifts and grace for ministry and service in the lives of the women he knew.  Wesley was a man of his time, but he was also the child of a remarkable woman who pushed the boundaries of accepted convention in her spiritual life, and at least partly because of that, he recognized that there were other women similarly gifted and called.

These words and actions I have mentioned are demeaning and unacceptable.  They are hurtful and unjust.  But they cannot shake me at my core because I know my value as a beloved daughter of the Most High God, and I know that the Spirit is upon me to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In that light, I urge you to think carefully before you speak words that you may think light-hearted or funny because in reality, you are undermining and hurting the person you mean to honor.  And for heaven's sake, banish all sexual innuendo and sexist put-downs from your life and heart. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8)

Shocking Revelations about John Wesley

As part of an ongoing commitment to share my sabbatical insights with folks, I recently had the opportunity to do a Wesley presentation for the senior adult group of a United Methodist church in North Carolina.  It was a lot of fun for a variety of reasons:  good food, good fellowship, catching up with a clergy friend/ colleague, and talking about -- what else? -- the Wesleys.

After eating deviled eggs, ham, and a zillion desserts, we opened with singing a couple of verses of "O, For A Thousand Tongues" and then I talked them through a short version of my Power Point. One of the first pictures I showed them was a variation of the statue of John Wesley seen above.  I asked if they knew who it was, and nobody said anything, so I told them and suggested that they guess "John Wesley" from then on if I asked them to identify someone.  Obediently, when I showed them the picture below, they called out "John Wesley!"  But of course, I had tricked them because this one is actually of Charles!



In a lightning quick tour of early Methodism, it's hard to figure out which high points to touch upon and which ones will have to wait for a later date, but I tried to go for a mixture of things they already knew and things they had probably never heard.  With that in mind, I showed them a picture of John Wesley's electrical device --

I reminded them that the 18th century was an age of scientific inquiry and discovery and that John Wesley, like Benjamin Franklin, was interested in the potential of electricity to benefit human life.  Wesley bought a few of these devices that use static electricity to deliver a mild shock as a part of his campaign to provide cheap, effective medical care to the poor.  He wrote an entire book entitled Primitive Physick that lists all kinds of cures and folk remedies for various ailments, including rubbing one's head with an onion to reverse baldness and tending to a toothache by electrifying it.  We may smile condescendingly at Wesley's naivete (as seen from our 21st century standpoint), but in doing so, we must not lose sight of his underlying goal -- sharing the love of God with people in all aspects of their lives, including their physical as well as spiritual well-being in his sphere of concern.

Wesley knew that God is the God of all creation, a God who desires wholeness for all of creation, and in everything that he did, Wesley sought to carry that message to those who needed to hear it most.  In some small way, by telling bits and pieces of the stories of early Methodism, I am trying to do the same thing, to share a message of grace and redemption and hope and yes, even perfection in love, with everyone I encounter.

But I probably won't offer to shock you or cure your baldness ...